I’ve started a blog... I don’t even know where to begin. I’m the last person to do this. Really, I hate drawing attention to myself. I’m not going to try saying that I’m not like most girls or that I’m unique in any sort of way. Actually I’m about as ordinary as it gets. Which is why I hate drawing attention to myself- unless I’m doing something awkward or embarrassing, there’s not a reason to be paying attention to me. But this idea scared me so spitless that I decided I needed to get over it and learn how toughen up. Freshmen year of college I got myself scared spitless all the time, and I had the most incredible experience of my life. Sure, it was awkward and embarrassing some of the time. But the good greatly outweighed the bad. And then fall semester of sophomore year of college, I just didn’t. I came into the mindset that I was going to get outside my comfort zone again and find new organizations to join and stay involved and not stress about my grades and future. My freshmen year I studied hard, but I wasn’t that worried about my grades. (Relatively at least; I still worried more than most people but grades were never my central focus; I had a balance.) In fact my freshmen year I learned for the first time in my life not to put my worth in my grades. This past semester I didn’t. I got terrified and hid myself behind my textbooks, trying to make perfect grades. I got too caught up in the what-ifs. I got into the mindset that socializing didn’t matter because I was going to move away from Texas when I grow up and not stay in contact with most of these people anyway. But if I screw up my GPA then I won’t have a future. And my GPA this semester turned out great, but I can honestly say it wasn’t worth it. There’s far more to life than grades. Humans were meant to be with each other. We were meant to socialize and build relationships with each other. Even in relationships in my past that haven’t lasted, most of them I wouldn’t trade for anything because of what I took from them.
One of the hardest lessons I had to learn this past semester was learning how not to define success by how the world does. The world says that being a doctor is better than being a nurse. The world says that being an engineer is better than a teacher. Or even that engineering is better and more prestigious than business. But here’s the thing: being a doctor is no better than being a nurse. It’s different. But not better. The American Dream teaches us we need to reach as high as we can and work as hard as possible so we can make as much money as we possibly can. But not everyone was meant to be a doctor. Or an engineer. Or an accountant. We need teachers just as much as we need accountants.
In high school I planned on going to one of a dozen schools, none of which were A&M, and then becoming an orthopedic surgeon. Guess what? This former Longhorn became an Aggie and I’m not going to be a doctor anymore. Plan A for right now is to be a physician assistant. Plan B is to be an occupational therapist. Although God has a tendency of wrecking my plans in place of His own. So I won’t be surprised if I end up being neither. But regardless whether I become a brain surgeon or a nurse or a janitor or whatever, who am I to debate with His plans? Sam Harris once made the argument against Christianity stating the arrogance it takes for the average Christian to state that the creator of the universe loves them and takes an interest and them with the only evidence being that their Bible tells them so. And believing this over what science says. And he’s right- if we use God to build ourselves up and make us look better. But I wonder how much better this world would be if we truly only got our affirmation from Christ. What if we focused on what He designed us to be instead of who we want to be and what society tells us we should be? What if we focused on being kind to people for the sake of loving them in the same way Christ first loved us instead of wanting to be liked? What if we focused on helping the hurt and the broken instead of focusing on our own insecurities and shortcomings?
I’m not saying these things to shame anyone. These are things I do. All the time. These are my goals for this upcoming semester. I would say for 2013, but let’s face it: I’ll never be able to keep a New Year’s Resolution. And Harris was wrong: God doesn’t just love us; He’s enthralled with us. He’s hopelessly in love with us despite us.
The title of this blog comes from one of my favorite songs, and its fitting. I don’t really expect anyone to be reading these blogs. This is more of a blog to keep myself in check to see if I’m really obeying what the Lord wants me to do, or if I’m letting my own fear get in the way of His plans. I’m a nutrition major; I don’t take liberal arts classes or write papers. Ever. But I’m starting a blog because its the first thing of the year I’m doing to get myself scared spitless. Here is where I’m going to post my adventures as I get myself out of my comfort zone as often as possible. For the sake of doing the will of my Creator and doing what He created me to do. I’m not going to let myself think about the consequences; I’m just going to go out and do what needs to be done. So here’s a list of things I have planned out now:
- Go to Greece this summer. I was casually looking through the college resources one day on my church’s website. And I saw a summer mission trip to Greece. Even before it was being advertised at church and before applications came out, I knew I wanted to do this. I’ve had to bargain and plead with my mom until she finally gave in. However the application is hard. Frustratingly hard. I don’t feel like I have enough knowledge to answer most of the questions. But I can at least say I gave it a shot.
- Join another organization. Which one? I’m not sure. I’ll report back when I do. But college is far to short not to explore all the wonderful things it offers.
- Study less. I’m actually being serious. I might be the only college student that will ever have this as a goal. Not too much less. But at some point it just becomes counterproductive. And I’ve hit that point and gone past it far too many times.
- Run more. I love to run. And not for the sake that it burns calories. Running just makes me happy. My mind often races and running is the only thing that gets it to quiet down. Running is what I do when I need to think; it’s what I do when I’m on the verge of tears and frustration. So my GPA might take a slight hit. But I need to go running more. It keeps me sane. And healthy. There’s no point of having a great GPA if I die young anyway.
- Sleep more. I’m going to make myself get a minimum of five hours a sleep each weeknight and keep all-nighters to a minimum. I know- this is pathetic. But its progress.
- Make small talk with more people. Here’s the thing: I love people. I would have never said this in high school. But people are incredible. I love finding out what makes people unique and what makes them excited. I love finding what their passionate about and hearing them talk about it. Sure, I forget much of the small talk I make with people. But what I take from it is worth it. People are incredible, and I cease to be amazed by what I learn from them. And its these small conversations with people that literally make my day.
2012 was great. Really, really great. Even my worst semester in college is better than my best semester in high school. I changed my major. I read over 30 books. I made some of the closest friends I could hope to imagine. I even came to know Jesus. And that, I’m not kidding, was truly the highlight. Because even while I was up at 3 o’clock in the morning having a break down (which was quite often), I knew He was shaping my heart and working in me. Despite what I often felt, my life wasn’t a fail.
2012 was great, but 2013 is going to be extraordinary. Not because I’m extraordinary. But because I’m an ordinary person living in an extraordinary world filled with extraordinary people. Isn’t incredible that in the Bible God choses the most ordinary people to do His work? Paul even admits God does this in 1 Corinthians 1:26-31. So I pray that God uses me to do His will. Even if that means getting myself scared spitless to do so. And here’s the place where I write about what I learn along journey.
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”- 1 Corinthians 15:58
